Life & Love

The Break-up psychosis

Break-up psychosis

The crazy-stupid things we do when we’ve been given the flick and sent packing to Dumpsville.

Sometimes after a break-up – especially after you’ve been dumped – you tend to put on your crazy pants and throw on the matching hat for good measure. We’ve all been there. So to make us feel better about spending six hours stalking his new girlfriend’s Facebook page, we asked a few girls and guys to spill their most bonkers break-up behaviour.

Bed Buddies

“I was 20 when I had my break-up cherry popped. Somehow, I’d always managed to get in first, but not with Stephanie. She dumped me after she cheated on me! I was hurt and embarrassed, so I slept with her friends. I should be more specific: I slept with all of her friends. I didn’t date them, I just made a conscious effort to bed all four of her besties to hurt her. But it didn’t go according to plan – she didn’t find out for ages and even then, she didn’t really seem to care. The only thing I achieved was feeling shit about myself. I retired from attempting to squire everyone she’d ever met a defeated man.” Dan, 28

Pen Pal

“In my early twenties, I was a bit of a dramatic guy. When I broke up with my ex, I got my mate to drive by, knock on her door and drop a bag on her doorstep. Inside the bag was every letter she had written me, every photograph of her, every little item that could be some sort of memory of her. The most embarrassing part was that the package also contained some pages torn from my diary that were about her. I still feel creepy about it. I mean, what kind of guy writes in a diary?” Ben, 30

Phone Ex

“A couple of months after my girlfriend and I broke up, we decided to try being friends. And I think I may have taken that term a little bit too literally. About a month into us being ‘friends’, I was having major girl problems, so for some crazy reason I called my ex. I’m fairly certain that at one point I was actually in tears about how there were way too many girls chasing after me and I didn’t know what to do. Unsurprisingly, she hung up on me.” Ash, 24

The Secret Snooper

“My flatmate and I had a fling, and of course it was totally awkward when it ended as we still lived together. When he was out, I would go into his bedroom to look for signs he was seeing someone else. To be honest, I think I was also hoping to find a diary entry where he tried to analyse what happened between us – until I remembered that he was not a teenage girl. I’m not sure what I was doing! But I think he must have known because he started locking his door whenever he went out. I’ve always wondered if maybe I left something in his room, like a glass of water. Needless to say, I moved out not long after that.” Elena, 24

Night Stalker

“When I was younger, my boyfriend and I broke up and I just couldn’t accept it. One night I got all worked up and called my friend to come and pick me up, even asking her to dress all in black so that we would, and I quote, ‘blend into the night’. I rang his doorbell, then did a runner back to the car and saw him looking for the mystery bell ringer. My friend and I sat in the car for three hours catching small glimpses of him turning on the TV or getting a drink. My thirst was finally quenched when his pants dropped and he got into bed naked. Then I knew it was time to go.” Chloe, 27

Troll Tactics

“A couple of years ago, my girlfriend cheated on me and I did not take it well. I became a Facebook troll. I’d find my ex on chat and swear at her and call her names as if we were in primary school. When she got sick of it and unfriended me, I’d find her comments on our mutual friends’ statuses and walls and write some snarky remark that had nothing to do with the original status. And they say only girls go crazy after a break-up! I hang my head in shame when I think about it now.” Jason, 25

DVD Deviant

“When my boyfriend of over a year cheated on me, I decided to get him where it hurts. He was borderline obsessive-compulsive and kept his collection of DVDs in perfect order, so one night after a few rage-fuelled drinks, I swapped all the discs around into other cases. To make it worse, I also shuffled them around so they were no longer in alphabetical order. We’re talking about more than 400 DVDs. It took a while, but it was worth it!” Jenna, 27

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